Life Feels So Much Better When It's Just Me

Numb, empty and alone.
Not quite sure what i should feel anymore.
Did you care, did you love at all.
Was i wrong was i right was i anything at all.
Make these tears stop can't take the lies anymore.
Eye's going cold won't be able to see at all.
Perhaps life will go on.
Emotions not sure i want anymore.
Giving up on everything, never had anything at all.
Hurt, betrayed, confused.
Just don't want to feel anything at all.
?

I'm so tired of this world and the people around me, all they do is think about their own problems. That's probably why I'm still lying here  my wrist wide open, the blood flowing freely just like my tears. I'm tired of my life, I'm tired of people calling me names to feed there insecurities. My breathing is shallow and i can feel death pulling at me. I was so tired but it dosen't really matter because now I don't need to feel tired because I'm in an eternal sleep. 

My life feels so empty, i wanted you right here by my side
But you slept with her and planted your seed
When is it due, will it really be all smiles or is it diffrent in your eyes?
Does she even like you at all or is it just your money?
You act happy but is it all just an act cause she seems to hate you and you know its a fact
I really liked you, i always will, you seemed to like me was it true?
I wish it was me and you till time ends, but i will be realistic and miss you instead
All i want is to look into eyes that smile and tell of a perfect life
Just give me a smile and tell me your fine or better still get a better life
I like when your happy i know your alright, but something isn't right?
Are you happy?
Just drop me a line.

I have hit my low.
My mask has crumbled.
Everything makes me want to cry.
I seen him out on the town and all i wonder is who will it be tonight?
I wish i could just get over him.
Live my own life where the smiles are real.
Where i will let people see the real me.

I wish i could hate him but when i see him i melt inside.
I wish i could open up but confidence gone and trust frayed i forever live in shame.
People are moving on, friends forever gone but i stand still in a time less life hurting myself more then others ever could.
If tears forever stayed i would be forever drowning rejecting hands of help.
When i was young life was planned but every fairy tale must have an end and sometimes a happy ending won't happen and a horror story begins instead.

The words pour out and leave an acidic taste
Highly posionous killing you slowly and painfully
Acid burning away all the things that you where
No cure, the pain will forever burn you till theres nothing
Painfull memories are all blue eyes mean to you
Blue eyes will make you feel like you are nothing
Are they wrong?


Acid drips of my tounge tearing you apart in burning piece
Burning at the surface so i can see whats underneath
Get what i need and i will only use it to hurt you
I'l hurt you again, knives would be less painfull then my five words
You mean nothing to me
Now fuck off to your room and cry all about me again


I love you so much, your my everything, my world
Please the words make me wanna chuck, your my play toy thats all
My little thing to toy with, I'l build you to up to tear you down
Wanna play a game? You answer no we both know thats a yes
Which way shall i hurt you now? Family? Your life? How your nothing to me?
Hear come the tears again, do you really think i care?
Lets play a new game, heres a razor blade


Acid drips of my tounge tearing you apart in burning piece
Burning at the surface so i can see whats underneath
Get what i need and i will only use it to hurt you
I'l hurt you again, knives would be less painfull then my five words
You mean nothing to me
Now fuck off to your room and cry all about me again


Run away and don't look back but you always do and i' am waiting
Tears i like but your blood dripping is a special treat
Lets talk about your drug abuse, was it all my fault? Why don't you just OD?
Please stop, ok i will, but wait wheres the fun in that
Sit down lets talk about you, why your a fuck up and no one loves you
Lock me up and throw away the key perhaps you won't hear the words anymore
Please forgive my acidic tounge it meant to hurt you more
I never loved you, you are nothing so do the world a favor and die
Oh you already have.

Wicked night last night, haven't hung out with my next door neighbour since today last year and last night he came round, me and my brother were on vodka and he was on vodka and malibu. Such a laugh especially catching upon old times, lol! I ended up falling asleep on the couch and instead of the quilt i ended up sleeping in a shawl wich i was brought home in as a baby! The funny thing is i haven't drank in like a month so it didn't take me alot to get drunk so my hangover isn't really that bad the only down side is i woke up at 6:30 a.m.

I am so excitied in four weeks time i should be getting a kitten, and i might begetting another one four weeks after because my brothers friend cat is preggers. My mum dosen't know about the second one but how can she say no? Only prob is the dog as he can be a bit of an attention seeker, lol!

The words pour out and leave an acidic taste
Highly posionous killing you slowly and painfully
Acid burning away all the things that you where
No cure, the pain will forever burn you till theres nothing
Painfull memories are all blue eyes mean to you
Blue eyes will make you feel like you are nothing
Are they wrong?


Acid drips off my tounge tearing you apart in burning piece
Burning at the surface so i can see whats underneath
Get what i need and i will only use it to hurt you
I'l hurt you again, knives would be less painfull then my five words
You mean nothing to me
Now fuck off to your room and cry all about me again


I love you so much, your my everything, my world
Please the words make me wanna chuck, your my play toy thats all
My little thing to toy with, I'l build you to up to tear you down
Wanna play a game? You answer no we both know thats a yes
Which way shall i hurt you now? Family? Your life? How your nothing to me?
Here come the tears again, do you really think i care?
Lets play a new game, heres a razor blade


Acid drips off my tounge tearing you apart in burning piece
Burning at the surface so i can see whats underneath
Get what i need and i will only use it to hurt you
I'l hurt you again, knives would be less painfull then my five words
You mean nothing to me
Now fuck off to your room and cry all about me again


Run away and don't look back but you always do and i' am waiting
Tears i like but your blood dripping is a special treat
Lets talk about your drug abuse, was it all my fault? Why don't you just OD?
Please stop, ok i will, but wait wheres the fun in that
Sit down lets talk about you, why your a fuck up and no one loves you
Lock me up and throw away the key perhaps you won't hear the words anymore
Please forgive my acidic tounge it meant to hurt you more
I never loved you, you are nothing so do the world a favor and die
Oh you already have.

Regie has since declared that she is going to be famous and marry a bus driver, she will get the bus for free stand up turn around and anounce to the passengers "see that man there, he's my husband and he's a bus driver, that means i get the bus for free, but you don't cause my husband is a bus driver" she is then going to go on GMTV and declare to the world that her husband is a bus driver. She has since been taken away in an ambulance by the people in white coats and now live in the looney bin.

                                                  THE END

Crazy Weekend, Crazy Pics, This One Will Be Even Better! LOL! xxxxxxxxxxx

This weekend so far has been MAD! Just got over a cold so wasn't planning a heavy night but then seen old friends from secondary school and two of them are leaving the island so i had a drink with them which turned into a couple then from oe pub to another and back again then to Mint which is free entry but rather then being a plus its a minus as your squashed in like a bunch of sardies, lol! Then we went into Platnium which is right next door; then i seen more peeps so more drink and partying, left at two got a taxi and decided to walk the dog; i say walk it was more dragged and swaying about left right and centre, lol! Woke up at ten and was astill half mashed and suffering badly and lake of sleep, lol!

love, hugs, kisses is something i put on txt's, emails, convo's and stuff because what would the world be without love, hugs, kisses?

Stuck inside as my throat is sore and i feel like shit which is my mums fault as she was ill and has now passed it onto me, thanx mum remind me to do the same!

Wicked weekend, me regie and patsy went out, bit of a boozy night, lol! Met up with dave and met new peep called gratham who stayed at mine with regie and patsy. Wicked night but the hangover was the worst in like ages, i felt like there was elephans stampiding in my head, there was a washing machine going off in my stomach and the Sahra(Might be spelt wrong?) had moved in my mouth, lol!

Regie came to mine as it was raining so we ended up sitting in drinkin' , we decided that at 11:00 p.m. we  must of been rather drunk as we cut a hole in a plastic bag then wore it like a balaclava, lol. The bad thing being we had vodie which i have decided i can no longer drink as it makes me feel sickk and gives me a hangover ffrom hell, lol. The other bad thing is we went through 40 ciggies so my throat is on its way out (sore throat and loss of voice basically). Will update blog again next weekends probs. x

 

Love, Hugs, Kisses

Girlscou1988

I don't have teen tantrums i just like getting my own way! lol!

I just wanted to write about my WOWS!

 

Welsh

Jack Daniels

Fast Cars

Big Packages (Wink)

Older Men (Oh think of the expierence factor but not men older than 36 ok kinda old but i like this 35 yr old who looks closer to 25)

One Night Stands (You only live once don't settle down to young)

Friends (Oh the drunk nights, the heart breaks, the midnight feasts where woould we be without them?)

Pets (My Ikle Jerra Boozle)

Life (Life Is A Game Play IT!)

Kinda!

Got wasted last night on just under half a litre of vody, was payin' at 5:00 a.m. when i was bringing it all back up again. I was still half drunk in the morning that when i had some water all i could taste was vodka so i though someone had laced the water it took 3 diffrent bottles to convince me that it was my mouth that tasted like vody not the water. Me and Regie went out at 3:00 a.m. and where gonna walk to town from mine which would of took about an hour but then we meet a guy called Marc and started talking to him. He might of though we were slightly crazy considering i was crrying a bottle of vody and calling it juice and a kitchen knife kept falling out of Regie's top. I know how bad that must sound but when your rather drunk and are gonna walk to town and theres only 2 of you and your both girls it seems like a great idea, lol. Prob's drinkin' tonight so will fill you all in.

P.S.

         Forgot to mention there was a repeat of a new years eve programme so me, Regie & my mum ended up celebrating New Year again, So HAPPY NEW YEAR AGAIN!!! (LOL)

I may have food poisoned everyone as i cooked (now there really is no need to laugh), i wasn't really cooking jyust reheating frozen stuff. HAng Over BAD!!!!!!!! Booze bad untill weeekend where it will be great!!!!!!!

Tikka Masayle spilt on flooor any suggestions on how to remove would be fabz!!!

 

Love Hugs Kisses!